I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
