There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
