I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
