Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
