So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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