If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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