I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize