yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
