I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
