just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
