dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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