you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
