The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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