planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
