And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
