he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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