dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
