Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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