I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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