I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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