Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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