We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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