also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
