There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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