Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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