that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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