how can u be prego again
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
