dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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