I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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