Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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