Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
