I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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