The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
