My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
