just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
