Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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