went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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