I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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