I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
