She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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