Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
