If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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