ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
