Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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