Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm always down for nudity.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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