Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
