how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
