for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
