Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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