At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
