i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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