Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
