you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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