i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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