Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
