Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
