yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will be naked everywhere
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
