like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
