READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
