I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
