he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
