Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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