Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
