So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
