Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize