I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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