Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
