Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
