We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
