It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
