I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
there's paper in my vomit.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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