It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
