I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
