No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
